Are You Ready to be a Dad?

[SmootSmack]

This is all great, really great, advice. I feel like it really comes down to what is what many have said. Perhaps Angry said it best

1. You will never be ready, but once you have them you will never regret it.

I think the "fear" my wife and I have is that our lives will forever change and we don't know how to handle that. But I guess when we see that baby, we'll know

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by redsk1

If you wait til everything is perfect you'll be waiting the rest of your life. It'll never be. So, the answer is, you never know, you've just got to go for it. You'll be ready, you'll have to be ready.

BTW...expecting our 3rd now.

Nice. Congrats!

[MTK]

My friend has always said when you think you're ready, wait another 2 years. Then if you think you're ready, wait another 2 years. You get the picture.

I agree with the notion that nobody is ever truly ready, you just try to get as close as you can to being ready, then dive in head first.

[mredskins]

As far as ready, what is ready? Honestly ask yourself that. I am speaking of married couples here not 16 year olds having babies.

I can't think what the perfect "ready" scenario would be.

I say at least have these things:

a good marriage
some savings
stable jobs
and mutual agreement of how you want to raise this child between you and your wife

So many folks use money as their excuse to not have kids, in all reality if you are both employed you be surprised how much you are wasting it just gets re-direct to your child.

For example I paid off my 4Runner this year. When we were childless, we probably be like what car should we get next, now we are like it is awesome to have no payments.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

So this thread is really for all the fathers out there. My wife and I are that point when we feel we want to look to start a family in the next year or so.

On the one hand, we feel ready. We both have good careers, we're in good (not spectacular) financial shape.

On the other hand, we don't have any immediate family near us, we don't know what a baby will mean to our finances and our careers, and we know our lives will forever change.

Sometimes we feel like we'll always find an excuse not to be ready.

So for all the dads out there, how did you know you were ready? (If you knew). I mean the thought of it is so overwhelming, how do you adjust your mentality to the idea of being responsible for a brand new human being?

Dude don't think about it, IMO you sound ready. Start enjoying unprotected sex for awhile.

Here is a scary thought it took my sister 3 years to get preggo, just imagine if you keep waiting and then it takes you a long time to get preggo. You may be a dad at 50 for the first time! =)

[MTK]

Ready for my wife and I: both of us done with college - check, good jobs - check, secure financially - check, have done some traveling - check. Yep, guess we're getting to that ready point.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by Mattyk

Ready for my wife and I: both of us done with college - check, good jobs - check, secure financially - check, have done some traveling - check. Yep, guess we're getting to that ready point.

Dude you are way over due!!! =)

Every time I see you on Xbox I think this guy has way too much free time, time to start having kids.

[cpayne5]

Originally Posted by mredskins

Dude you are way over due!!! =)

Every time I see you on Xbox I think this guy has way too much free time, time to start having kids.

But you're on xbox at the same time, which means you need more kids.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by cpayne5

But you're on xbox at the same time, which means you need more kids.

Negative, I rarely go on there. Hence my quick sale of Madden once I realized that amount of time I was going to need to pour into it.

I think we will try again when my son is closer to 4.

[Monkeydad]

Originally Posted by redsk1

If you wait til everything is perfect you'll be waiting the rest of your life. It'll never be. So, the answer is, you never know, you've just got to go for it. You'll be ready, you'll have to be ready.

BTW...expecting our 3rd now.

Exactly.

(son is going to be 3 in November)

You can never be 100% ready in every way. You can plan financially...get debt paid down and money saved up...but the truth is, babies are very expensive. You just have to put your finances in line the best you can and wait until you're EMOTIONALLY ready to take on the responsibility. My wife and I waited until she was 28 and I was 27, after we had the house for about 5 years and both agreed we were ready. She was "ready" a couple of years before me. I, being an accountant, was focused on things like finances and insurance, and debt elimination. We reached a point where I was comfortable financially and prepared mentally to do it.

Looking back, she admits we waited until the perfect time.

One thing you need to decide before-hand...will be whether she goes back to work or is a stay-at-home mother, which is far better for the child's development and as far as instilling YOUR morals in the kid, instead of the babysitter's. Young kids take in a LOT in those first few year and are very easy influenced in things that can stick around for a lifetime. You want the best possible environment at that young age, or later on, it would be a nightmare trying to adjust or re-instill the values and behaviors you wanted, but couldn't because someone else was caring for them.

My wife was able to do some work remotely from home for a couple of years, but her hours were about 1/3 of a full-time job. I had to pick up the slack with a second job to replace her lost income...BUT, it's worth it. Our son is very well-behaved and intelligent and he gets the parent time he needs, even though it's mostly mommy Monday-Friday.

Some say you can never afford a child. I wouldn't say that, but it may take sacrifices and adjustments to do so. However, the #1 thing to do to get prepared is to make sure you're ready for the commitment mentally...and your wife and you need to discuss and agree upon the childcare/daycare situation ahead of time if you have not already.


Good luck and congrats on moving on to the next adventurous stage of your life. It won't always be easy, but there's nothing better and more fulfilling than being a dad.

[over the mountain]

Originally Posted by BleedBurgundy

We're going through this same process right now, SS. Pretty much the same situation applies, we're in overall good shape but how do you know it's the right time... I always said I'd wait til I was 30... and now i'm 30. (time flies.)

lol yeah like you and SS, im in the exact same situation. we're in decent enough financial shape, buying a house soon, im offered a job that will pay me close to 6 figures, ive been living with my lady for 2 years now, we talk about having a family every now and then.

im 32, shes 31.

but im just so scared. its going to be life changing. while i think it would help me career wise b/c i would be motivated to make as much money as possible, now life is good, we work just hard enough to live a nice comfortable easy going life.

thanks for starting this thread. for those of us on the edge of the cliff . . .

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by Buster

Exactly.

(son is going to be 3 in November)

You can never be 100% ready in every way. You can plan financially...get debt paid down and money saved up...but the truth is, babies are very expensive. You just have to put your finances in line the best you can and wait until you're EMOTIONALLY ready to take on the responsibility. My wife and I waited until she was 28 and I was 27, after we had the house for about 5 years and both agreed we were ready. She was "ready" a couple of years before me. I, being an accountant, was focused on things like finances and insurance, and debt elimination. We reached a point where I was comfortable financially and prepared mentally to do it.

Looking back, she admits we waited until the perfect time.

One thing you need to decide before-hand...will be whether she goes back to work or is a stay-at-home mother, which is far better for the child's development and as far as instilling YOUR morals in the kid, instead of the babysitter's. Young kids take in a LOT in those first few year and are very easy influenced in things that can stick around for a lifetime. You want the best possible environment at that young age, or later on, it would be a nightmare trying to adjust or re-instill the values and behaviors you wanted, but couldn't because someone else was caring for them.

My wife was able to do some work remotely from home for a couple of years, but her hours were about 1/3 of a full-time job. I had to pick up the slack with a second job to replace her lost income...BUT, it's worth it. Our son is very well-behaved and intelligent and he gets the parent time he needs, even though it's mostly mommy Monday-Friday.

That my friend is ignorant statement. My son is nearly they same age as yours and is also very well behaved and intelligent. His niece who is also the same age as our children has a ton of social issues because she sits in her house all day with just my sister and herself.

What I am trying to point out out is day care or stay home makes no difference as long as it is done correctly. To make a blanket statement that a stay at home child is superior to a day care child is short sighted and vice a versus.

[Monkeydad]

Whoa, whoa...I wasn't saying ONLY kids with stay-at-home moms do well...simply saying our son is going well and we're satisfied with his development and behavior....and grateful that we're able to raise him the way we want him to be raised rather than trusting another person who we can't be with all day to do the job right.

I know it's not financially feasible for everyone to stay home...most households in today's society/economy need to be 2-income households...mine is no different. I am just fortunate enough to be able to work two jobs and make it possible. My wife bring in income from home as well, but we do see a very noticeable difference between our son and those of friends/coworkers who aren't lucky enough to stay home every day.

Like I said, it's something that every couple, including SS, needs to discuss and agree upon. There is no right or wrong way to parent, you have to do what works for you and your child. As long as someone is a loving and attentive parent, things will most likely be OK. Part of that is making sure your kid is well-cared for and learning your values, no matter if it's in your house or another while you're at work...a responsible parent will make sure the place their child in is always the best it can be in every way. There are a lot of BAD daycares and everyone has relatives they don't see eye-to-eye with...you have to be careful who you leave your kid with.

I don't see how suggesting he and his wife decide upon child care and their careers before the kid is born is ignorant. It would be ignorant NOT to discuss it and make plans.

Don't ruin SS's dad thread with a hot temper.


Smoot, expect heated discussions with your wife, not only during the pregnancy's hormonal rollercoaster, but after the child is born. It's just key to make sure those discussions don't affect the child. It's normal when parents are trying to figure things out, but how you two handle disagreements in front of your child is the key.

[MTK]

Originally Posted by mredskins

Dude you are way over due!!! =)

Every time I see you on Xbox I think this guy has way too much free time, time to start having kids.

lol I'm only on an hour a day tops, maybe more on the weekends but I often go a few days at a time without playing. Wish I had more time for it actually.

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by mredskins

That my friend is ignorant statement. My son is nearly they same age as yours and is also very well behaved and intelligent. His niece who is also the same age as our children has a ton of social issues because she sits in her house all day with just my sister and herself.

What I am trying to point out out is day care or stay home makes no difference as long as it is done correctly. To make a blanket statement that a stay at home child is superior to a day care child is short sighted and vice a versus.

Ill have to agree with this. I know some moms where the kids are better off in day care. Our daughter is three and goes to the local churches school 3 days a week for about 3 hours a day. So she does get plenty of interaction with other kids and my wife also does a play day once a week with other moms.

SS there is no right time to have a child and that coming from a guy who had one child at age 21 and one at age 43. I was dirt poor and a single father at age 24 and my daughter turned out great. With our youngest daughter my wife can stay at home and I hope my youngest turns out as good as my first. You two need to sit down and talk about all the issues from A to Z and by the book Baby Wise as it will make your life with a baby much easier.